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    IN WHICH STRAIGHT MEN HAVE SEX WITH MEN

    These and a million other questions are probably running though your head. Guess what? You are not alone. Many types of men engage in same-sex relationships for a variety of reasons, which Joe Kort identifies for the reader. There are a variety of reasons that can cause and/or influence this behavior.

    SEXUAL ABUSE

    Sexual Abuse will not Orient you, it will Disorient you!

    Approximately one in six boys is sexually abused before age 16. Often males who have been sexually traumatized and/or abused act out homosexual behavior—also known as homosexual behavioral imprinting. Some of these males are gay or bisexual but most are not. Males who have been sexually abused are often confused about their sexual orientation because of the trauma. These men—gay, bisexual and straight—re-enact the trauma through homosexual behavior as adults.

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    SEXUAL ADDICTION / Out of Control Sexual Behaviors

    “Gay” behavior can be the result of “sexual addiction”. Clarifying what sexual addiction is—and isn’t—is important. This website and blog explores its defining signs and symptoms and looks at more updated and cutting edge ways of helping men with out-of-control sexual behaviors that manifest through same sex behaviors . But even a cured “sex addict” might still feel attracted to gay sex and sometimes even to some men. The goal is to distinguish behaviors from identity. 

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    Sex for Money

    Many men–gay, straight and bisexual–can be sexual with the same sex or the opposite sex if money is involved. Most people, however, think that if a man accepts money for sex with another man he cannot be straight.

    We assume that these men are gay, or at the very least bisexual, and simply in denial about their sexuality. However, we now know that one subset of these men—straight men who enjoy getting paid for such sex—can, indeed, be heterosexual. It is not the sex that turns them on, it is the money! They have eroticized money, and the sense of value they derive from being admired and paid for performing sex acts with men. 

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    BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Sadism & Masochism)

    BDSM—bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism—refers to sexual stimulation by playing with various themes of exaggerated hierarchy. These days, BDSM is a well organized community with its own rules and customs, educational materials and activities. B&D and S&M can be used loosely as synonyms for BDSM or refer to components including intense physical sensations (spanking, paddling, whipping, etc.). The phrase “dominance and submission” is used sometimes to emphasize the more psychological aspects of this play.

    Straight men who engage in BDSM with other men do so for the BDSM scene, not the gender of their play partner. In other words, BDSM is what arouses them, not the gender of their partner. They prefer women but will play with men.

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    CUCKOLDS / Hotwifing

    In the universe of sexual fantasy, cuckolding—that is, generally speaking, watching while one’s wife or partner has sex with another man, especially one with a larger penis—is nothing new. In fact, the term has been around for centuries. Traditionally it was only applied to the husband of an adulterous wife. Today it means a lot more. These are straight men who enjoy fantasies of—or the reality of—their wives and girlfriends having sex with other men either in front of them, nearby or with their knowledge about when and where it occurs. They’re often sexually aroused by feeling humiliated that their wives are being pleased by another male whom they see as more potent and better endowed. 

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    Anal Sex

    Straight men will say they want to receive anal sex, or they want to engage in anal play, but they’re ashamed to tell their girlfriends or wives. They’re ashamed to ask their partner to explore that with them. And not just because of the reaction they fear from their partner.

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    Bisexuality

    The best definition I have found on bisexuality is by Robin Ochs who writes:

    “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

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    Availability / Opportunity

    For some straight men, the availability/opportunity for sex is worth getting physical with someone they are not necessarily naturally attracted to. Similar to how in Sex For Money it is the money that is eroticized and not the fact that the partner is male, here it is the act of sex that overrides the gender or sex of the sexual partner. Some of these men could be labeled as Heteroflexible.

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    Father Hunger

    Homosexuality is not the result of “father hunger” as some psychotherapists and reparative therapies theorize. Both straight, bisexual and gay men suffer from this when growing up where their father was not around, unavailable, unaffectionate and perhaps may have been abusive. I do not believe that father hunger” creates a gay orientation in any way. There is no evidence to support this silly concept anymore than “mother hunger” would make a man straight. 

    There are heterosexual men who crave affection and attention from their fathers and seek sex with men as a way of getting that male nurturance and acceptance.

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    Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

    HOCD is exemplified by a man worrying about being gay so constantly and compulsively that it takes up a good deal of his life and causes him significant anxiety. 

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    EXHIBITIONISTS

    These are men who enjoy being looked at by both men and women as long as they are being admired for their bodies. Many are body builders and muscular and enjoy the homo-erotic attention of gay men and might even flirt with gay men to encourage more admiration.

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